


He's my -I'm his- Elixir

by AgeOfTonyJunior



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Rating: M, Steve and Tony are married, Steve and Tony have a boy, Tony is the perfect dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-31 17:53:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3987349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgeOfTonyJunior/pseuds/AgeOfTonyJunior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony's nature has him working away on his suits and inventions for long periods at a time without taking breaks and so much as talking to Steve. Steve holds it in his heart and doesn't mention anything because he doesn't want Tony to feel bad about what he's doing, not that he doesn't already. Clint and Steve go on a SHIELD mission together and they talk about Steve and Tony's relationship and something happens that makes Tony take action to redeem himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He's my -I'm his- Elixir

"All right JARVIS, save project MK 53. I'm going to take a shower and then sleep for about a week so don't let anyone disturb me."

Tony's been locked up in the workshop for days with nothing but coffee and the various meals Steve sneaks onto his desk when he's too busy tinkering with something.

Steve knows he should do something about Tony's habits but when has Tony ever actually listened to him when he suggested something.

"Are Captain Rogers and Master Jack included in the list of those you wish to not disturb you, sir?" JARVIS asked, knowing Steve's been waiting outside the workshop for hours with his sketchbook and the noise of Tony working. Jack, Steve and Tony's son was sleeping peacefully under JARVIS's constant watch. Truth is, not only is Steve worried but Clint texted him earlier telling him that they're leaving for BC at dawn. Steve was already awake so it wasn't a problem and decided to spend the few hours next to Tony at least. You know if he won't come to bed.

"Steve? Steve’s sleeping now J. And I'm going to join him. And you've been keeping me up to date on Jackie so you know he's asleep." Tony got up and stretched, instructing DUM-E to clean up his mess as he made his way to the bathroom in the workshop for a quick relief before heading up to scrub away the grime.

"Actually sir," came JARVIS's voice into the bathroom. "The Captain is just outside your workshop sir."

"Wh..What?!" sputtered Tony as he washed his hands. "How long has he been there?"

"Three hours, forty seven minutes sir." Replied the AI much to Tony's dismay. He knew he was being terrible when it came to spending time with Steve and their son but he had work to do. Threat is eminent and without his suits, he's vulnerable, worse than vulnerable. He needs to be able to keep the only person in his life who's forgiven him time and time again safe. Jackie equally so.

Tony's thoughts were thankfully interrupted by JARVIS's offer. "Shall I ask him to come in sir?"

"Yeah." Tony felt guilty. Not that he didn't every time he left Steve and Jack for days but the fact that Steve, his Steve, was quietly waiting outside his workshop for nearly four hours was a kick to the stomach. And Tony knew what those felt like. He got out of the bathroom on autopilot and waited outside.

He was pulled out of his own head again as the glass door to his workshop unlocked and Steve came into view. He looked tired and definitely upset. Tony knew the reason for the latter. The first making sense as well if the clock above the door was any indication. It was 3:17AM. Usually, Steve would be up in less than two hours so it made sense that he looked tired. Tony figured his constant worrying about him wasn't doing so well for his sleeping either.

Steve walked in, sketchbook tucked under his arm and his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants that he wore to bed.

"Hey Tony." He greeted him so casually, his voice rough from lack of use. Steve cleared his throat.

"Hey baby." Tony replied and wow did he screw up big this time if the awkwardness of how that sounded on his lips was any indication. How long did he spend in the workshop this time?

He stepped towards Steve who barely made it past the door.

"You're tired baby, why are you still up?" Yeah good one genius. You're the one who hasn't slept properly in who knows how long. He took another step towards Steve and now they were only inches apart, Tony smelling Steve's signature vintage aftershave. He cupped his cheek with his right hand until Steve met his eyes.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

Boy, his voice sounded so good to Tony's ears right now. Even in the whispery tone Steve had used.

"What's up?" He prompted, shamelessly stepping closer to Steve who didn't mind one bit.

"Clint texted me earlier. There's a mission. We're leaving at dawn." Steve didn’t bring up that he hardly ever slept when Tony's away. Or that he’s been waiting for what seemed like ever. Tony doesn’t need to know. This kind of hurt is for Steve's heart only.

"Weren't you sleeping earlier?" Yeah. Bad idea. He already knew the answer. Maybe he just needed Steve to stop keeping it in. Never once has Steve directly brought up the fact that Tony is being the worst possible husband to him, and an even worse father. He just suffers in silence and that's the worst he can do. Worse than waiting for his terrible husband for hours without a single hint that's he's outside.

"I couldn't." Steve took Tony's hand that's cupping his cheek and held it in his delicately as if it was fragile, wanting nothing more than to know that Tony's right here in front of him.

Tony nodded and tried to steer the conversation away, hoping it would distract him from Steve brushing his thumb over his pulse point and his wedding band in an alternating manner.

"Where to?" He asked, his voice breaking on the last syllable. Good job Stark. Way to woo Steve before he goes away on a mission that may last days. Then again, Steve didn’t specify the nature of the mission or whether anyone else was going.

Hold on. Damn Steve smells good and he's so beautiful looking at me like that even though he looks so tired.

"BC. Scout and take down a drug operation using children. It shouldn't be long if intel is accurate." Steve stepped closer as he finished, nearly trapping Tony even though there was nothing but open air around them.

Tony couldn't do it anymore. Steve's hand in his, their eyes locked together, Steve smelling and sounding so damn good to Tony who hasn't been with him in like ever, and Steve getting this close, well that was the final straw.

Tony's gaze flickered between Steve's lips and eyes before he stepped on his tip toes to slot his lips against Steve's soft ones in a gentle sweet kiss.

Yeah Tony wanted him, but if this is to be their first time in a while and also the last until Steve's mission was all done, well, he just couldn't rush no matter how much he missed Steve.

Steve returned his kiss just as gently, his eyes fluttering half shut and his free hand coming up to hold the back of Tony's neck to him, the other only tightening around Tony’s fingers, bringing his hand closer to his chest.

Boy, did Tony love it when Steve held him close by his neck, wordlessly claiming Tony his. Or the way he put Tony’s hand next to his heart, letting him know that his heart is Tony’s without having to put it into words. Because if Tony knew anything about Steve, it’s that words were never enough to describe his feelings for Tony. The same Tony who was didn’t deserve any of it as reward for his horrible actions towards his husband.

But he was a self indulgent one, unable to help it when he gasped and pulled away from the warmth of Steve’s lips, staring up at him.

Steve used the same hand on Tony's neck to brush his thumb across his lips in the most softest of caresses. Tony's lips slid apart slightly at the overwhelming emotion that swept through him.

"God, Steve.." He whispered, hot breath against Steve's hand. "I missed this. I missed you."

Steve ducked his head in a sad smile that he hoped Tony wouldn't catch. He had no idea just how much Steve missed him. At this point, Steve wasn't even thinking about making love to Tony. He just wanted to be close to him.

"I missed you too." He returned on a murmur, meeting Tony's eyes again.

Tony stared deep into Steve’s blue eyes, attempting to read his husband's hesitancy. You big idiot, he doesn't miss you like that. He misses talking to you and hearing your voice and watching you play Fix It with Jackie. He didn’t miss you as in let's have sex Tony. 

"Steve. It's okay if you don't.." He cut himself off because how was he supposed to tell him that yeah I get it. You love me so much and you've missed me so much that at this point, the simplest of touches are way more important to you than fucking me.

He didn't have to go on though as Steve's lips found their way to his again.

Tony promised himself in that second that he'll be what Steve wants, his own needs be damned. It was a good decision because Steve kissed him so very gently, his kisses were barely more than brushes of his lips against Tony's.

That was okay. Tony was guilty and he owed this to Steve and he enjoyed it too.

Steve withdrew his lips and took Tony's face in both hands before leaning his forehead against Tony’s.

He was breathing heavier than usual and Tony guessed that after who knows how many days, this was affecting Steve on a very deep emotional level. He had every right to. Tony knew Steve loved him a lot more than he'll ever be able to love him in return. It explained Steve's hesitancy and desire for only the slightest of touches. Tony owed him and he reminded himself of his promise.

"I love you." Steve whispered, the words ghosting over Tony’s lips."I love you." He repeated, his voice breaking just as he touched his lips to his husband's.

Tony felt his heart shatter as he heard Steve's voice. He's worse than the worst. How is Steve even with him at this point? He couldn't answer that question though. It was the only thing about Steve that he didn't understand.

Though granted, his genius level dropped drastically whenever Steve's hands were on him and he quickly surrendered himself to the feeling of Steve’s full lips against his.

Steve felt like his heart would burst at the amount of emotion Tony's soft touch brought to him but he didn't care. It's been thirteen days since he was even this close to Tony and he didn't know how long he'd be gone for.

He decided that making love to Tony the way he wanted for a while could be doable if he eased himself into it. That is when he familiarized himself with his husband all over again.

He reluctantly lifted his lips away from Tony's sweet ones to take his hand and lead him up to their suite in the tower.

Steve didn’t touch him beyond brushing his thumb over his pulse the whole elevator ride. Tony didn't mind, he was uncharacteristically cataloging everything Steve did. That included the way Steve didn’t sweep him off his feet the second they were out of the elevator the way he always did to carry him to bed.

He just kept his hand in Tony's and silently walked him into the bedroom and over to sit at the edge of the bed. He left then and Tony panicked before he realized that Steve was checking on Jackie in the next bedroom.

When he came back to Tony, he eased him up the bed. Tony lied back immediately, his body loving the comfort of his mattress over the seat he slept in, in the workshop but he’s not going to bed now.

He kept his eyes on him and Steve wasn't moving. Then as if he read Tony's mind, Steve was hovering above his torso, his weight braced on arms at each of Tony’s sides.

Steve kissed Tony's belly over his black tank. Tony shivered. Steve moved a smidge up and kissed just above his husband's belly button, holding in the monsoon of emotions that threatened to expose itself and ruin the moment if Steve were to cry.

It was all too much for him, how at the same time, this felt familiar yet so strange and unknown like walking into an unfamiliar place. Not knowing your footing but at the same time, like knowing every corner of your home blindly. Maybe that’s how his relationship with Tony will always be.

He kissed the same spot again and Tony gasped, in the same second, Steve's hands were on his, fingers threading through his and holding on tightly.

Steve kissed him further up and further still, Tony holding onto Steve's hands beside his shoulders tight enough to hurt but they both needed it. The reassurance that neither of them won’t be getting up and walking away anytime soon.

Tony didn’t realize it at the beginning but he too could do without the urgency that he felt when Steve first walked into his workshop.

Steve tried to free one hand but Tony shook his head and grasped Steve’s hand tighter, bringing it to his lips and kissing the back of it.

Steve smiled warmly and untangled his fingers from Tony, brushing the back of his hand against his cheek.

"Trust me." He murmured and Tony felt his tank top lifting off his hips and lower torso and soon over the arc reactor.

"Beautiful." He heard Steve say before he lifted his arms so Steve could remove his shirt.

Steve was back where he was and kissed up a trail of smooth warm skin up to Tony's heart. He laid his hand over the blue light and Tony's eyes slipped shut, the both of them listening to the arc reactor's soft hum.

Tony's hand came up to rest over Steve's, their other hands holding each other's tightly again.

Steve pulled himself forward until his face was next to Tony's. He opened his mouth to say something and gasped quietly.

Tony opened his eyes and kissed Steve, no questions asked.

"Baby.." Steve whispered at his lips after the brief kiss.

"With you." Tony assured him and Steve kissed him with the passion of a forbidden lover, yet with such delicacy and intimacy that was solely Steve’s. Tony felt as if his lips were to melt under his husband’s.

Tony soon lost himself to Steve's lips and soft touch. Steve kissed him and kissed him and kissed him again and he'd never tire of kissing him. All very delicate and soft kisses to even more delicate and softer lips.

Tony returned every single one, drinking in the feeling of Steve this close to him and the distinct beautiful scent of him and warm and sweet softness that were his Steve's lips.

God, Tony could kiss his husband forever and never want anything else. Steve continuously proved that to him.

Steve suddenly lifted his lips from Tony's and was moving away, causing Tony to worry a little. He didn’t want him going anywhere. Steve paused as he sat up and removed his shirt before hovering over his lover again. Steve's hand traveled down Tony's torso to slow down and rest just above his belt. His lips slotted themselves behind Tony's ear.

Tony was shivering even though Steve's body heat kept him warm. He bent his knees and locked his ankles around Steve's thighs, and held him tightly in his arms, taking in all of his bodily warmth.

Steve parted his lips behind Tony's ear and a full body shudder rocked through Tony's body.

It took Tony a while to register that Steve was speaking after the shudder went through him completely.

"..beautiful and I missed you so much it felt like you weren't even around anymore. And you said that it's okay if I didn't want to. Tony, baby I do. I just want to spend more time with you actually doing things like playing with Jackie and watching movies and cooking together. I want my Tony around me every second of everyday more than I want to make love to him."

Tony squeezed his eyes shut, swallowing the tide of emotions. Steve just proved just how big of a jerk Tony was to him. Steve who deserved all the best and was stuck with the worst husband ever. One who went days without so much as letting the love of his life hear his voice or even see him. The same husband who didn't bother asking JARVIS how Steve was doing the way he kept up with Jackie.

He could write a book filled with mistakes that he's made but that's too easy. Admitting them to Steve was the hard part. Steve who was repeatedly kissing behind his ear now and murmuring quiet apologies as if he's the one who's offended Tony with what he said and not the other way around.

Tony turned his head and kissed Steve until his lungs burned with the need for oxygen.

He pulled his lips away and drew Steve closer to rest his forehead against his. Panting, he whispered, "Don't. Don't you for half a second think that anything you could say to me would hurt me. Not with everything that I've done to you."

Steve looked even more hurt now. Good job Tony.

"You haven't done anything." Steve disagreed and went back to nuzzling Tony's neck.

Tony shut his eyes and let it go, concentrating instead on the feeling of Steve's lips behind his ear as he peppered the skin with feather light kisses.

"I want to make love to you." Steve murmured at his ear lobe.

Tony's already quickening breath leaped. He nodded quickly. "Yes. Baby.. I want that. You. I want you Steve. I want you to make love to me."

Steve pressed his nose just off the nape of Tony's neck and kissed behind his ear. "You have me sweetheart. You've always had me."

Tony smiled as his heart filled with warmth.

Steve's hands were at his belt next and he was being kissed deeply yet so softly.

Steve's hands circled Tony's thighs as he moved from between his legs to pull down his pants. He pulled his off while sitting at the edge of the bed before wasting no time in returning to Tony.

Tony sought after Steve's hands as soon as Steve was above him and quickly threaded his fingers through Steve’s, simultaneously locking him between his legs as they were before.

"What do you want me to do baby?" Steve asked him, brilliant blue eyes gone mostly dark boring into honey ones similarly consumed.

Tony’s heart lurched at being asked despite what he's been doing to Steve and he quickly reminded himself of his promise. "Whatever it is that you want to do. I'm with you."

Steve kissed him as he began rolling his hips against Tony's.

Tony hissed at the friction and Steve stopped to remove both his and Tony's underwear.

He didn't keep Tony waiting long and returned to the circle of his legs, lacing the fingers of his left hand with Tony's right and using his right to slowly caress down Tony’s chest.

Tony tilted his head back, biting onto his lower lip, his left hand coming up to tangle in the hair at Steve's nape.

Steve's hand edged lower over his arc reactor and past his belly button to curl around him.

Tony gasped loudly at the touch and Steve kissed him. Tony met his eyes then. "Steve.." He whispered.

Steve began sliding his hand up and down Tony's member slowly before stilling briefly to grab hold of his own against his lover’s.

They both gasped at the new feeling of each other and in Steve's hand, Tony's gasp almost completely shadowing Steve’s were he not so close to Tony for him to hear.

After catching a few breaths, Tony had enough air to speak. "That's amazing baby. That's amazing honey. Keep going babe." Tony encouraged as he scratched at Steve’s nape gently.

Steve nuzzled against Tony's neck and moved his hand, stroking the both of them.

Tony's head returned to the pillow and Steve only nuzzled closer to Tony, pressing small kisses to his neck as his hand set up a comfortable pace they both liked.

Steve twisted his hand for the first time and Tony gasped loudly, doubling over Steve and holding him tightly as his chest heaved.

Steve took his lips between his as he continued to stroke them, twisting occasionally.

Tony moaned quietly at his lips and Steve looked into his eyes. It wasn’t often that Tony held back on being a little vocal.

Tony shook his head slightly with a small smile on his lips. "This is different." He admitted. He was right. This was like reuniting the two of them after the time they spent apart because of him. It was a reunion between them. One that shadowed everything they’ve done together and brought them right back to their first time. With Steve being the exact opposite of everyone Tony’s had in his bed. Steve who was so gentle and careful about everything, even the smallest detail. Steve who took Tony into his arms on their marriage bed and made love to him against moonlight streaming into their room and brisk sea breeze filling the air.

It was like this every time Tony decided that his work and his inventions were more important than his Steve. But by far, this time’s been so very different, much more straining on the both of them.

Steve nodded and sped up his hand marginally but Tony reacted. He clutched Steve's biceps and had his eyes squeezed shut, focusing solely on Steve's touch.

"Tony." Steve called barely audibly.

Tony looked up at him.

"I need you."

Tony understood and pulled Steve's hand away from their members. He laced his fingers through Steve's and took hold of them again.

Steve had control and resumed his perfect strokes to the both of them.

Tony was gasping again in a very brief time. Steve’s own little tiny whispered gasps getting louder.

Using the extra help from Tony, Steve twisted up again and Tony tensed up, eyes shut and lips parted on a silent gasp as he reached his completion.

Steve’s strokes continued for a while until Tony’s come down enough to take control and switch their hold so his hand made contact with Steve's member.

He stroked him in the right rhythm for a little bit and Steve followed, muscles and body locking as he reached his climax.

Tony kissed his parted lips and jaw and cheeks and forehead, keeping him in his arms until his breathing slowed.

"Baby.." Steve said after a while.

"With you." Assured Tony, lips at Steve’s ear.

"Shower with me." Steve offered, head on Tony's chest.

"Yeah. I want that." He chuckled. "Actually, that's what I intended to do earlier."

"Let's go." Steve initiated but didn’t move a muscle.

 

 

After the shower, Steve insisted that he dress Tony, everything from underwear to bed clothes. He even dried and brushed his hair.

Tony couldn’t even protest because every time he tried, Steve’s lips sealed his own.

It was nice, it just rendered Tony useless, especially when Steve refused his help and donned the Captain America suit solo.

Steve did let Tony style and gel his hair, mostly because it calmed the both of them as well as Steve enjoying Tony running his fingers through his hair.

"All done handsome." Tony announced, heading away from the dresser to the bathroom to wash off the extra hair gel.

Steve got up and checked his small mission bag again. He was sure he had everything but he liked to be on the safe side.

Tony was behind him then, arms snaking under his and wrapping around his torso.

"The things you do to me." Tony mumbled behind Steve, voice muffled by his neck.

Steve leaned back against him. "Are nothing compared to what you do to me." Steve finished his sentence.

This was good. Steve was actually talking and it didn't feel like it was strained or like a confession either. Maybe he didn't do so bad after all? Oh who was he kidding? He screwed up big time. Steve just loved him more than he was capable of imagining to be mad at him. And he imagined big, futurist and all.

He kissed what little skin was visible above the collar of Steve’s suit.

Steve gripped his hand where it rested on his hip. "Tony.." He murmured, lacing his fingers through Tony’s tightly.

Tony brushed his nose at the nape of Steve’s neck, breathing in his scent. "Baby.." He inhaled and leaned forward to kiss him, Steve meeting him half way.

The door to their bedroom slid open behind them then and they both tensed, breaking away from each other’s lips and loosening the tight embrace. Nobody ever came up to their room. Besides, all the doors in the tower were automatic. JARVIS wouldn't open the door to just anyone without asking them.

They turned around, Steve still partially in Tony's arms.

"Papa!" Jack ran over to them and Tony reached forward and picked him up, hugging him to his chest.

Steve smiled, wrapping his arms around Tony as he held their son.

"Papa." Jack repeated, shivering slightly despite Tony's arms around him.

"I'm right here Jackie. Papa's here." Tony kissed his forehead.  "God Jackie! You're as cold as ice! What happened?"

Tony moved quickly not waiting for Jack to answer, getting one of Jack's many spare blankets in their room and wrapping him up tightly. He was also firing commands at JARVIS to check his temperature and vitals and to have DUM-E prepare him some warm milk and hot chocolate because that was Jackie's favourite.

"Tony." He heard Steve call as he bustled around the room, pulling up screens with Jack's temperature and blood pressure one handedly as he refused to let him go.

"Tony."

He paid no attention to Steve, his attention already claimed by the 0.07 of a degree drop in temperature that Jackie had.

He moved to the bed and sat cross legged, Jack sitting between his legs. DUM-E brought over the tray of requested drinks and Tony took it, ordering DUM-E to grab another blanket.

Steve beat the robot and crawled into bed next to his husband and son, wrapping the blanket around Jack's shoulders.

"He'll be okay. He's got you for a dad." Steve assured him with a kiss to his shoulder.

"I'm not such a great dad." He mumbled, passing Jack the sippy cup of milk.

"Not want." Jack shook his head. "Want chocowate."

"You finish the milk first like the big boy you are then you can have the hot chocolate." Tony smiled, pressing the cup into Jack's hands and keeping his hands over his to warm them.

"You are a great dad. Jackie loves you." Steve insisted, reaching over to fluff Jack's honey brown hair.

Jack smiled as he sipped his milk.

"If I was, I'd know how he got so cold." Tony replied sadly, pulling up another screen briefly to check Jack's temperature before returning his hand to cover his.

"I think it may have been an accident." Steve rested his head on Tony's shoulder, his arms finding haven around Tony's ribs. "Ask him."

Tony looked at him briefly while he considered the idea. "Jackie? What happened before you came to Adad and my room?"

Jack swallowed a gulp of milk. "Went balcony."

Steve tensed visibly beside Tony.

"Why baby? You know we don't go out without a jacket. And you know not to go without either Adad or Papa, and definitely not at night." Tony worried. He just couldn't ever bear the thought of something happening to his Jackie.

"Sowwy." Jack apologized with puppy eyes.

Tony kissed the top of his head and lingered there, savoring the feeling of the warmth coursing through his son. "It's okay.  I just get scared about you, mini me." He kissed his head again. "Why did you go out on the balcony Jackie?"

"Not sleep good." Jack answered and shrugged his shoulders, the blankets slipping off them a little.

Steve reached forward and adjusted them. "Next time you can't sleep well, you come to me and Papa okay?"

Jack nodded and Tony squeezed him into a hug.

"Can't bweathe Papa!" Jack gasped, pulling on Tony's sleeve.

"Sorry baby." Tony let go, kissing his soft cheeks. "You want your hot chocolate?"

"YAAAS!" Jack roared, causing Steve to laugh.

"Here you go Junior." Tony said, swapping the sippy cups.

Jack began sipping happily, bouncing up and down slightly the way he loved to on Tony's lap.

Tony suddenly felt so vulnerable, worse than he's ever felt stripped of his armor. Here was Jack drinking his favourite drink, completely oblivious to the fact that he may have been in danger had he not decided to come to their room.

Tony furrowed his eyebrows. What made Jack so suddenly decide to come in out of the cold? How did he even make it past the sealed gate without bribing JARVIS?

He brushed his hand through Jackie's hair. "Baby?"

Jack smiled up at him, so beautiful and innocent. "Papa."

Tony grinned at the name, it was impossible for him not to. Jack constantly reminded him that he could do good with his life. Jack was the proof.

Steve caught sight of Tony’s smile and pressed a kiss to his shoulder.

Tony took Steve’s hand in his and they held Jackie's little hand. "How did you get past the security code on the gate to the balcony?"

Jack did his best impression of Tony's sassiest smirk. "Magic Papa."

Steve chuckled softly. "Jackie."

"Was like magic Adad." Jack nodded. "I press the tiny buttons and big door open."

"Huh." Very eloquent Tony. But hey, isn't that something. Jack just happened to get lucky and put in the correct pass code in one try.

"You're very smart Jackie." He brought Jack's hand and Steve's up to his lips, kissing Jack's tiny fingers one by one, then kissing Steve's wedding ring, barely visible through his fingerless gloves.

Steve's chest tightened with emotion. Tony hasn't done that in a very long time. For Steve it was another promise from Tony to try harder and to be a better husband and father.

Steve knew without the promises though, be they spoken or symbolic. Tony may get very busy but he'll never stop loving Steve. Ever.

Jack nodded again. "I smart like Papa."

Joy flooded Tony's heart and he leaned down to rub his nose against Jack's.

Jack giggled. "Tickles."

"It's Papa's way of showing you that he likes what you said." Steve clarified, Jack quickly nodding his understanding like the smart boy he is.

Tony sighed as he decided to ask his other question. "What made you come back in Jackie?"

Jack hummed around his sippy cup of hot chocolate. "Hawky tell me."

Steve’s eyebrows rose in surprise. How did Clint know where Jack was?

Tony’s lips parted slightly in similar response. "Did you see Hawkeye baby?"

Jack turned over his sippy cup and shook it, letting Tony know that it's empty.

"JARVIS, have DUM-E bring Jack another hot chocolate. Oh and his favourite carrot muffins." Tony instructed. Always the one to spoil the ones he loves.

"Certainly sir." Came the A.I.'s response as DUM-E began whirring around.

"Did you see Hawkeye Jackie?" Steve repeated, exchanging a shrug with Tony.

"Noo. He talk to Jackie with JARBIS." Jack answered, turning over and lying in Tony's lap.

Tony brushed his hand over Jack's honey brown hair. "What did he tell you?"

Jack yawned adorably. "He say that if Jackie stay on balcony, Jackie become Jackie popsicle."

"Aww no baby." Steve cooed softly behind Tony. "It's a good thing he told you."

Tony’s eyes shut and his face scrunched the way it did when he tried to make sense of something. "How did Barton know though?"

Steve shook his head.

"I alerted him sir." Answered JARVIS.

"Go on." Prompted Tony.

"I detected the drop in Master Jack's temperature and seeing as you and the Captain were occupied, I alerted Agent Barton as he was already awake."

Tony glanced back at Steve and felt his heart sink. Steve had the 'this is my fault' expression. Of course it was like him to blame himself for getting busy while Jack slept or rather couldn’t sleep.

He turned back slightly, careful of disturbing Jack and kissed Steve. "You did check baby." He reminded him.

"I thought he was sleeping." Steve whispered grimly.

"Exactly. And at the time, he may have been. You’re not the one to blame." Tony soothed with a smile. Because I am. I didn’t ask JARVIS about Jackie before we got in the shower. He didn't voice that to Steve though. He didn't want him to leave feeling that Tony was hurt.

DUM-E came around then with a tray that had the carrot muffins and Jack's hot chocolate.

Steve took the tray and set it down next to them on the bed.

"Hey puppy. You want a muffin?" Tony asked, leaning down to kiss Jack's temple.

"I not puppy Papa. I bear." Jack roared for emphasis but he yawned again midway through it.

Tony laughed and sat him upright, handing him the sippy cup and picking up a muffin to feed him.

Steve shifted and got off the bed, checking his watch.

Tony's eyes filled with sadness and he looked away, breaking a bit of muffin and feeding Jack.

"I should go." Steve whispered at Tony’s nape, hands on his shoulders.

Tony simply nodded. It surprised him why he got so sad when he knew Steve was leaving. Maybe it was the quality family time they just had and were having did he not have to leave.

He blinked. That's how Steve must feel. Tony always leaves him for the workshop after they spend a couple of hours together.

It's like giving an addict a small dosage just to settle him down but all it does is make him want more, crave more.

Steve was the addict, Tony the addictive in small dosage. It's finally been switched around and Tony gets what it must always feel like for his love. He's glad.

"I'll call every chance I get. I promise." Steve kissed the back of his neck and let go of his shoulders.

"Adad you go to get bad guy?" Jackie asked as Steve strapped the shield to his back.

"Yeah baby. I won't be long. And I will call you." Steve leaned across the bed and kissed Jack on the forehead.

"Bye Adad." Jack waved with a smile.

Steve moved to pick up his bag when Tony's fingers curled around his wrist.

He turned back with a soft smile and brushed his thumb over Tony's cheek.

"I love you." Tony murmured, voice thick with emotion.

Steve pressed forward and kissed him, long enough to leave his lungs aching for a breath.

"I love you." He returned honestly and picked up his bag, slinging it over his shoulder and walking out.

Tony stared after him until he felt Jack pulling on his sleeve. He looked down and Jackie opened his mouth for more muffin.

Tony tore off another piece and fed it to him.

 

 

Clint waited for Steve in the hanger beside the jet. It was dawn and he knew Cap would be on time but he was anxious. Cap must’ve learned about his son by now. He tried to shake the feeling by checking the bikes he secured in the jet for them to use in B.C.

When he emerged from checking and rechecking the bolts holding down both his and Cap's bike, Steve was in the second pilot's seat.

"Morning Cap." Clint greeted as he passed Steve to his seat behind the controls.

Steve smiled in return not to be rude. He was just in another place now that involved Tony being in the workshop when he got back from his mission. He never even left and he was already worrying about Tony. Clint didn't need to know that. Not that Steve felt like he could talk anyway so his smile sufficed. He did need to thank Clint for what he did for Jack though.

"Thank you Clint. For convincing Jack to come inside earlier today." Steve nodded sincerely, truly grateful to Clint.

Clint smiled as a faint blush colored his cheeks. "Don’t mention it Cap. You would’ve done the same if he was my son."

Steve smiled a small polite smile, not knowing what else to say and Clint turned around to the jet’s console.

"SHIELD says that our target should be using the children to distribute the drugs today. We'll make our way close to their hideout by bike." Clint briefed as he got the jet airborne.

Steve nodded on autopilot, his mind elsewhere already as he looked out the window as the tower slowly faded from view.

"We should be in B.C. long before sunset and the bikes are so we won't alert them with the jet and have them do something to compromise the mission." Clint went on but he guessed Cap wasn't listening with the way his eyes stayed locked on the fading tower.

He gave up on explaining the plan quickly. It's not like Cap was one to do something foolish and put them in danger. He could just tell him what's to be done right before they had to do it.

Steve watched the night turn to dawn and the sun light the New York sky behind the thick gray clouds. There wasn't much difference between night and day with how dark the sky was. It was still beautiful to Steve but the funny thought that it might only get darker and even rain as they got closer to Canada made him smile.

Clint caught Cap's smile out of the corner of his eye and couldn’t help but smile as well. "Yeah it's only gonna get worse."

Steve's smile widened and as if on cue, little drops of rain began battering the jet's windshield. "I think you're right."

Clint's smile turned into a confident smirk that he loosened Steve up even if a little.

He must’ve jinxed it though ‘cause soon Cap was sulking again. And that was the word. Clint knew about Tony and the way Steve was staring out the window, was like someone whose heart was aching. And Steve's no doubt definitely ached.

Clint didn't watch him so much anymore. Or he tried but he kept glancing to his right every once in a while to only see about a quarter of Steve's face.

He didn't mind. A quarter of his face was better than nothing. Clint may have secretly liked liked Cap. He kept it to himself, not a soul knew. How could he tell anyone when Steve and Tony were so open about their marriage and child?

Clint would only come off as the bad guy trying to ruin their marriage by having feelings for Steve.

So in deep into the bottom of his heart did he hide those feelings because what they had was good. Jack was the perfect son and Cap and Stark were happy if the kisses Clint caught sight of were any indication, especially before missions. He wouldn't ruin that for his own selfish reasons.

The jet dived left then and Clint stirred from his thoughts, wrestling the jet back to the correct gyro.

He looked to his right and Steve was staring at him with curiosity, no hint of bitter blame or what the hell was that Barton.

Steve didn't ask though, just turned his head to look out his side window again, finger tracing the path of a raindrop.

He looked sad. Captain America, the just and righteous and mighty and powerful, the peak of human perfection actually looked sad.

Clint's heart lurched at the image and accompanying thought. He needed to do something to shake loose the damp of sad emotions.

"Looks like I can't drive when it's raining." He quipped at himself.

Steve didn't so much as blink.

"You know maybe it's the rain. Or better yet, my awesomeness totally overrid the gyro and tilted the jet to my side." He joked, jabbing his elbow in Steve's direction.

Steve chuckled quietly, his shoulders shaking as he did.

"That's it Cap." Clint grinned his way. "You'll be back to your family in no time if you spend the time having fun."

Steve glanced back at his bag sitting behind his seat.

"Cause obviously this mission is just like drinking water. In and out, no muss no fuss. You are Captain America after all. The whole mission is basically just a waiting game. It's boring actually, waiting for the sickos to come out and direct the kids where to go with the drugs." Clint went on comfortably. Once he started talking to Cap, it was easy to talk about anything. It's one of the reasons Clint liked him so much, the fact that it was so easy to trust him and feel at home with him.

Steve checked his watch then looked at his bag again.

"Are you in a hurry Cap? Cause unfortunately we've got about three more hours before we reach B.C." Clint joked then instantly kicked himself for it because Cap looked sad all over again.

"Sorry." He mumbled in apology, his cheeks coloring faintly but Steve only clapped him on the back and picked up his bag, moving a couple of seats back in the jet.

Steve pulled his phone out and smiled as he found three missed calls from Tony. He dialed his number and held the phone close to his ear, expecting Tony to whisper next to a sleeping Jackie.

"Baby." Came Tony’s sleepy voice into his ear.

"Hi Tony. Did I wake you?" Steve guessed that Tony would still be awake but what if he wasn’t.

"No." Tony muffled. "I can't sleep without you."

Steve's heart clenched. He too can't sleep well without Tony next to him. It's absolutely painful when he spends days locked away from him in the workshop.

"I'm sorry. I can't stop thinking about you." Steve whispered, mindful of Clint.

He heard Tony’s short snarky laugh.

"As if I can stop thinking about you."

"Baby.." He murmured softly. "You haven't been sleeping well. Can you at least try for me?"

Tony went silent as he remembered Steve's tired face from earlier in the day. "I don't need sleep if you hardly ever get it."

Steve shut his eyes as he realized that Tony knew about his lack of sleep. "It's nearly impossible to feel safe without you Tony."

"Then we're even."

Steve knew that tone anywhere. It was Tony opening up a sensitive subject then deciding better of it. He could play along. After all, discussing why they couldn't sleep was a discussion that they couldn’t have over the phone.

"How's Jackie?" Steve asked, changing the subject.

Tony smiled. "He's sleeping on my chest. He's all warmed up. And he's having quality cuddle time with Cap bear."

Steve could imagine every word in perfect detail, thanks to Triple S. He definitely needed to sketch that while he waited for the baddies with Clint. Yeah, he packed his sketchbook.

"That sounds beautiful."

"It'd be more beautiful if you were here." Tony wished out loud then felt like a hypocrite. That's all that Steve's wanted every time he holes himself up in the workshop and doesn't get out for days. And here is Tony wanting that from Steve whose condition is out of his hands. He tightened his arm around Jackie. He's the closet to Steve he has now.

"I wish I was with you love." Steve admitted in a shaky whisper.

"I can wait. I have our Jackie. When he wakes up, he'll definitely ask me to play Fix It with him." Tony lied. Only about the waiting part. Because no matter what he's doing, Steve will be on his mind. Even when he's calculating the complex mathematical equations that make Iron Man possible. Even when he's machining parts and fixing up damaged gauntlets. Steve’s always there. It just so happens that Tony can push Steve to the back of his mind when he knows that Steve's home.

"I can't. I want to make Clint turn the jet around so I can come back to you." Steve’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat.

Tony knew that he was holding back his tears. He was doing the same.

"If you do that, who'll bring home the bacon?" Tony joked as he took hold of Jack's hand to steady himself.

Steve laughed but it sounded more like a gasp.

"I miss you so much Steve." Tony murmured in a scratchy voice. Saying that made him feel like even more of a hypocrite. He couldn't last an hour without knowing Steve is close to him. How did Steve feel practically all the time?

Steve couldn’t hide his gasp then.

"Steve. It's okay baby. I’m not doing so good either." He said that to encourage Steve but he felt like he was on the verge of breaking. Maybe both of them were addicted. The drug being each other.

"You’re wonderful Tony. You're the best thing in my life. You and our Jackie."

Tony gasped then, quickly bringing his hand to his lips to not wake Jack up. Steve couldn’t just say things like that about him. These things were the things Tony was supposed to say to Steve. Steve, the love of his thousand lifetimes and his rudder and every pure thing that Tony couldn't ever do before meeting him.

"I love you." Tony didn't know what else to say. He knew he should've just said exactly as he felt but whenever he tried, he clammed up. And he did love Steve. He'd love Steve over and over and over again for eternity.

"I love you." Steve whispered in return, pressing a kiss to the speaker then hanging up.

He curled up on his seat and let Tony wash over everything that he was.

 

 

Steve woke up to a different sound than the one he's used to and a hand on his shoulder. Bright light hit his eyes and he quickly squeezed them shut.

"Oh sorry." Clint said quietly.

The bright lights of the jet turned down and Steve opened his eyes to find Clint hovering above him.

He met his eyes and did Clint look scared?

"You all right Cap?" He asked in a shaky voice.

Yeah, that was definitely fear. But why? Steve was just sleeping.

Steve nodded, sitting up in his seat. At the change in angle as his cheek left the back of the chair, he became aware of the wetness on his cheeks.

He quickly used his thumbs to wipe away the tears, refusing to meet Clint’s eyes. Maybe what he read as fear could simply be worry for his behalf. Clint was thoughtful and the thought of a distressed teammate would definitely affect him.

"You don’t look all right." Clint mumbled, moving away from Cap's chair for a brief minute then returning with a mug full of freshly brewed coffee and pressing it to his hands.

The smell took Steve back to Tony. It was his favourite blend. He had it everywhere there was a coffee machine. The jet obviously not being an exception.

Steve sipped from the mug, not wanting to ask why Clint thought he didn't look all right. If looks are anything to go by, then Steve was a thousand times better than he felt.

"You didn't sound all right either." Clint took the seat opposite Steve's.

Steve’s eyebrows furrowed. What did he mean he didn't sound all right?

"You were screaming."

Could he possibly have been having a nightmare and didn’t realize that he was? Strange. But it wasn't that strange. Many a time Tony's woken him up from his nightmares, telling him that he was screaming.

"Guess it was just a nightmare." Steve kept his answer brief because he didn’t feel comfortable discussing his PTSD with anyone besides Tony.

Thankfully, Clint only nodded in silent understanding. "Well we've been here for a while; it's just not time to move close to the target yet."

Steve was shocked. A while? "How long was I asleep?"

Clint checked his phone. "About eight hours."

"Eight hours?!" Steve exclaimed and rose from his seat, taking his phone with him.

Clint lowered his gaze in defeat. So much for time with Cap. Looks like Stark's the only one who'll ever take up space on his mind. He got up as well and poured himself a mug of coffee, taking it with him to the very rear of the jet to drink while he had secured the bikes. He could hear Steve on the phone as he began the task of unbolting them.

He couldn’t make out any words and he didn't try to. Why would he hurt himself like that? No doubt they were talking about missing each other or what they'd like to do when they were reunited. Yeah, it would hurt if he heard Cap planning to bed Stark.

Okay, that's mean. Steve wouldn't actually ever discuss that on the phone and definitely not when someone was in earshot. Clint was just a little bitter with Stark for stealing Steve from him. Even when Stark’s not here, he's still here.

Clint ran his fingers through his hair, just then also catching Steve's eyes. They didn’t break eye contact and Steve was still talking with Stark.

"That's very impressive. Tell him I'm proud of him. And that I would’ve talked to him were he not napping. Just like I promised."

He heard Steve say and as he thought about what he meant, Steve turned around, looking out the windshield.

"Yeah. We'll be moving soon." Steve paused, waiting for Tony's answer. "It is still raining. Probably worse here than where you are." Steve said then laughed.

That was it. If Clint thought he'd gotten Steve to loosen up earlier, well that just laughed in his face. The way he just laughed while talking to Stark, all loud and bubbly and beautiful and full of reckless abandon at something that possibly wasn't really all that funny, told Clint why he couldn't be the one for Steve. Why it had to be Stark who got the prize because people don't let go and open their chests up to just anyone. And Clint just witnessed firsthand what Steve's like when he lets his guards down. He’s never done that with Clint. It couldn't ever be him no matter how safe and at home he felt with Steve or no matter how wide he opened his chest for him. Nope. It had to be Stark.

He got up then and pulled the bikes out of the jet, the rain soaking him completely in minutes but he didn't go back inside. He had his bow and his quiver was strapped to his back, he just needed to wait for Cap so they could move.

Steve hung up with Tony and slung his bag over his shoulder, checked his shield and went out to find Clint already on his bike.

"We should get close." Clint yelled over the loud battery of rain and roared his bike to life, taking off without confirmation from Steve.

Steve followed him and they were soon riding side by side. He sensed the tension taking over Clint’s form.

"What's wrong?" He asked loud enough to be heard over the roar of their bikes and the rain.

"Nothing's wrong here Cap." Clint replied, braving his hurt feelings.

Steve didn’t push it. If Clint didn’t want to talk, he could certainly understand that. Maybe he'll share when he felt comfortable enough.

So they spent the bike ride listening to engine roars and heavy rain battering the thick trees around them.

It wasn’t until they had stopped far enough away from the baddies' hideout to not be seen but still monitor them that Clint kicked his bike in frustration.

Steve didn’t comment though he couldn't have possibly missed the loud clang. He went about finding cover from the rain under the dense branches of an ancient tree. He pulled his sketchbook and pencil out and sat on his bag after making sure his phone was tucked away safely in his utility belt.

He set about sketching Jackie hugging his Cap bear on Tony's chest the way Tony described to him. He hadn't gotten far when Clint came over and sat on an upturned tree's trunk opposite him.

Steve looked up at him and his eyes were a mixture of rage and sadness. He opened his mouth to ask when Clint spoke.

"I don’t understand your relationship with him."

Steve was confused. Clint obviously meant Tony but what did he mean he doesn't understand their relationship?

"I'm sorry?"

Clint shook his head as if he was trying to clear it out. "You were crying Cap. I'm not so oblivious as to not know that you were crying because of him."

Steve just stared at Clint. He wasn't sure where this was coming from or even that Clint would make that connection. He assumed Clint thought the tears were because of his nightmare.

"Then you called him like your life depended on it and you were laughing. I don't understand your relationship. I can't understand it."

Steve wasn't confused anymore. It made sense now. Clint was pulling the sensitive thread, Steve's own worst fear. The happiness that Tony always managed to bring him versus the deep sadness that he was also the cause of. Clint was right. You couldn't ever make sense of their relationship.

Steve's heart ached now that Clint's put pressure on his open wound. He didn't meet Clint’s eyes.

"Tell me." Clint demanded.

"Why? Tell you as what? Why is it even so important to you?" Steve bit in return. It wasn’t his intention but this is his weakness. This is the conversation that if they had and turned south could mean him and Tony separating with no return.

Clint’s hurt. That stung his heart right where it ached the most. Steve wasn't letting Clint in and he had every right to. But Clint needed to know. Even if he never got a chance with Steve, he couldn't just stand and watch as his friend remained unhappy. He would do everything he could to make it right.

"It's important to me because you're my friend." Clint decided to go with honesty. "Because I've noticed this for a while and didn't make sense of it until I saw you practically break."

Steve bit the inside of his lip and stared at the floor of the forest, choosing to catalogue the different shades of fallen leaves instead of think about what Clint said.

"I've been seeing it for a while. You’d be tired and looking like you have half the strength you have for a couple of days. And then you'd be yourself again and everything would be fine. Or seem fine. Strange pattern don't you think? Not to mention it coinciding with Stark's trips to the workshop that last weeks." Clint couldn’t stop. Now that he's started, he needed to let it out. Needed to let Steve know that he felt for him and that he didn’t need to keep whatever this was between him and Stark a secret. He could talk about it to Clint. And even though he much rather prefered that he was the one in a relationship with Steve, he would definitely do all that he can to see him happy all the time. Not just in a weird pattern that depended on Stark.

"I see you kissing sometimes and you couldn't be happier, the both of you. But other times, it's like you're strangers." He reached out and tilted Steve's face to face him. "I just want to make sense of it because I hate seeing you hurt."

"You're right." Steve agreed, his voice choked. "Most of the time we are strangers. And it all has to do with Tony's work." "Tell me. I know it's hurting you and if you keep it bottled up, it'll only hurt worse." Clint encouraged, his thumb on Steve’s chin drawing mindless back and forth lines that Cap didn’t comment on.

Steve stared into Clint’s eyes, his own rimmed red that couldn't be noticed unless this close. "I can't be me without him."

Clint pursed his lips into a hard line. "That's not true Cap. You're you right now."

Steve shook his head, breaking eye contact with him.

Clint tilted his head up again. "Please don't stop."

"I couldn't be myself. You said it yourself, there's a strange pattern."

"But you are Cap. No one could make you not be you." Clint argued, taking Steve's face in both his hands.

"It's hard to see if you don’t know all the facts." Steve whispered, sounding defeated. "I'm not me. This is a ghost of me."

Clint tilted his head to the side. "How do you mean?"

Steve smiled a bitter smile. "A ghost is all that's left of me when my heart and mind travel far to get a glimpse of him."

"Do you mean when he spends his time in the workshop?"

He nodded. "I don’t mind him working. I love to see him work. It's..."

Steve trailed off, taking hold of Clint's hands and pulling them away from his face. He held them in the space between them.

Clint didn’t push, wanting to give Steve the time he looked like he needed to compose himself. He felt terrible now that he's brought it up. Steve was a hundred times sadder than before.

Maybe that was another reason why Steve didn’t let him in, because he couldn't tell the right thing to say from the wrong.

But he honestly just wanted to help. It's not like his hopes for him and Cap getting together were that high. Maybe if he knew then he could talk to Stark about the proper way to treat the gem that he had.

Steve cleared his throat and looked up at Clint.

Clint’s full attention was back on him.

"When he works for days on end without so much as letting me see him or hear his voice talking to me... I feel like every atom of my body is itching for him, missing him on a level that I can't even comprehend."

Clint could've sworn he felt his heart stop momentarily at hearing Steve describe what it's like to miss his lover. It was unbelievable just how much Steve truly loved Stark. Nobody could talk about missing anyone like that and shatter Clint’s heart the way Cap just did.

"And when I do see him afterwards, I don't even want anything more than to know that he's right there with me." Steve blinked and a tear fell down his cheek. "That's what you described as me being myself and everything being fine. Because then I would’ve had my heart and mind return to me. Everything is easier knowing he's next to me. I can be me. I’m no longer just a ghost of Steve."

Clint's mind was blank, what could he possibly say to that? He couldn’t admit how jealous of Stark he was or just how much sense it made now that Steve’s explained it.

It wouldn't have ever crossed his mind that the changes Cap experienced were because he was so tied to Stark that not seeing him for weeks continuously was like cutting that thread and leaving Steve hovering in the middle of nowhere with no one to go back to. A broken being drifting off into the unknown. Almost like not having a home. And didn’t Cap already suffer enough because of everything that he faced waking up into this century? Apparently and according to the universe, no. They wanted to torture Steve a little more. Maybe tempt his faith, test his mettle.

He couldn’t even do anything about it because he couldn't stop Stark from working. Cap wouldn't even want him to interfere and he respected that, truly. The hardest thing was, Steve didn’t deserve to be in so much pain.

Steve gave his hands a gentle squeeze. "When I laughed earlier, it's because he was there, he was talking to me about what Jackie did and the weather and how the mission was going."

He shrugged. "When you haven't talked to someone for a long while, it comes back so easily and you click right back into place. It's always like that. Missing him, crying, and then it's all perfect until he leaves me for his workshop again."

He turned Clint's hands over in his then threaded their fingers together.

Clint stared down at their hands. He couldn’t believe it. Surely it was nothing more than a platonic gesture for Steve but it was everything to him.

"You're right. It is difficult to understand." Steve admitted, looking out through the trees for any sign of the baddies.

Clint only nodded because the dynamics of their relationship were way more complicated than he expected. That had to be a reason for why it was nearly impossible to get between them. They're already experiencing the worst. No way they'll let someone bring them more misery.

Steve sighed and let go of Clint’s hands.

Clint had a brief second to get hurt before Steve was packing away his sketchbook and getting on his bike.

Oh! The mission! Riiighht.

Clint got on his bike as well. Being out of the shade of the ancient tree, the rain soaked him back in seconds.

"I'll lead." Steve shouted as he revved his engine and took off. Clint followed closely.

He could see from the elevation of their track that the drug lord was sorting out the kids outside his shabby hideout. He was pointing everywhere and it looked like he was yelling. Strange for the drug lord to be doing the henchmen's work but whatever. Clint and Cap were going to bring everyone in anyway.

 

 

Steve attacked first, his shield at the front of his bike always a nice target for gun shooters. The drug lord saw Cap coming and opened fire, yelling at his henchmen for backup. The kids ran for cover behind an out of order bus.

That's when Steve emerged from behind the shield and slung it forward, disabling three henchmen in one throw. He caught it swiftly and jumped off the bike, continuing his assault on foot. He caught a glimpse of the bike returning to the jet. Smart STARK technology specifically designed for him when Tony got sick of replacing his bike after every mission. He smiled to himself. He loved this man.

Clint had a different job. He was in charge of getting the kids to safety which they mostly did on their own. His other jobs included covering Cap from any snipers and setting the drug lord's hideout smoking sky high.

There were two very terrible snipers that they don't even deserve the title and Clint eliminated their threat efficiently before moving into the building easily, Cap having drawn out all the henchmen and was dropping them like dominos.

Clint smirked as he checked the small hideout for any remaining children. The image was too funny.

With the shabby house clear of kids who were now running toward the other side on Clint's instruction where SHIELD waited for them, Clint rigged up the explosives and pulled out, calling after Cap to run as the detonation was timed and Clint already activated it.

Clint was far away to be safe but Cap wasn't moving. He was still taking out henchmen.

"Cap." Clint spoke on the comm. "You need to get clear. The building will explode in 30 seconds."

"Copy." Steve acknowledged but didn’t move still. The drug lord was not going down easily.

"Cap. 25 seconds." Clint saw him trading punches with the drug lord. SHIELD intel left out the important detail that the guy was a martial artist. Nothing as great as Cap but he was enough to be considered a threat. 

"15 seconds Cap." Clint sounded panicked to his own ears. He considered a long range arrow to take out the sicko but with the way they were moving he could hit Steve.

"10 seconds. Cap you need to move!" Clint shouted over the comm.

He had no choice but to get back and pull Cap out himself. He started running back towards Steve with the countdown in his ear. 7. 6. 5. 4. He launched himself forward and knocked him out of the way, having enough time only to hold Cap's shield in front of them for some protection.

The world went shaky and the sound of the explosion rang in their ears.

Clint didn’t know how long he lay protectively over Steve with the shield in front of him.

He was aware of Steve’s tap on the small of his back and  opened his eyes looking down at Steve to realize that he was practically using him as a mattress. "Sorry." He mumbled, lifting himself off Steve to sit next to him. He saw that the explosion managed to knock the druglord unconscious.

Steve sat up and glanced at Clint. "Thank you."

Clint nodded once and stood up, handing the shield to Steve.

Steve attached the shield to his back and got on his feet as well, taking in the damage. He could hear Clint talking with the nearby SHIELD helicarrier about the state of the children, the druglord and his henchmen as well as clean up but he paid no attention to that. One thought was on his mind. Tony.

                         

 

Everything after the explosion was mostly a blur. He watched SHIELD go through the standard procedures and god knows how he gave his report of the mission. He was back in the jet wearing dry civilian clothes and drinking warm coffee. He must’ve changed to the clothes he had in his bag but he didn't remember. He was vaguely aware of how tired he was and that made sense.

When he was physically exhausted, the serum kept him on his feet but at the cost of blurring reality and dreams together so he ended up in this fuzzy state. This is definitely the toll of many days without proper sleep. His eight hours nap earlier not doing much to replenish his energy. And after a mission, unlike when he’s at home where he got a few hours in and at least no physical exersion, this was how things were to be for a while unfortunately.

Soon enough, Clint was standing in front of him, saying something that Steve guessed was we're back at the tower. So he must’ve dosed off and at least a small fraction of the fuzzy state was actually dreams. He moved to get up but Clint set a hand on his shoulder.

Steve suddenly got a burst of awareness, the serum sensing danger. Of course Steve didn’t think Clint was any danger to him but that didn’t stop his body from producing adrenaline. He furrowed his eyebrows. "Clint?"

Clint cupped his cheeks. "I'm sorry I made you talk about it."

Steve was thinking about his response when Clint’s lips touched his.

He couldn’t make the split second decision to either kiss him back or gently push him away fast enough before Clint's lips left his and Clint was walking out of jet.

Steve stared after him, confusion clouding his already foggy mind.

After a while of thinking and coming up with the same conclusion, Steve picked up his bag with his wet uniform inside and exited the jet to a barrage of bright lights.

The room spun and his body connected with cold tile. He heard a familiar voice..

"Steve!"

..before slipping into darkness. 

 

 

Steve woke up in his bed, surrounded by the scent of home and unsurprisingly, many teddy bears. He was probably crushing a few of them with his bulk.

He hadn't even opened his eyes and already felt movement around him. That's great. He didn't want to be alone. A lot of movement surrounded him then and a little body was crawling up on his chest.

He grinned, his eyes still shut. "Jackie."

"Papa? How Adad talk when he sleeping?" Jack asked. And wasn't that the cutest thing ever.

The bed shifted under a new weight. Tony. Steve reached out for his hand automatically.

Tony took his hand and held it tightly. "Adad is not asleep baby. He just has his eyes closed."

"I not like." Jackie crawled up Steve's chest further and put his hands over Steve's eyes.

Steve couldn’t help the grin that formed on his lips.

"Open for Jackie." Jack giggled adorably, lifting his hands away.

Steve opened his eyes to thankfully dim lightning, Tony being the gentleman Steve knows him to be, and the smiling face of his son. "Hey Jackie."

"Hello!" Jack greeted excitedly, bouncing on Steve's chest a little.

Steve wrapped his arm around Jack protectively. "Easy Jackie. You could fall."

"No. Trust Adad. Weeeee!" Jack squealed happily, bouncing again.

"I called you like I promised. But you were napping you lazy bear." Steve smiled to himself. "I missed you precious one." He mumbled, pressing a kiss to Jackie's forehead.

"Just him?" Tony asked, brushing his thumb over Steve’s wrist.

Steve tilted his head to look at his husband for the first time. He looked stunning. He was wearing a dark black tux that shone in the dim light, paired with a white shirt and a crimson tie.

Steve’s lips parted in awe. Tony looked down at his lap and smiled.

"I missed you too Tony. More than I can describe baby." Steve admitted, sitting up, keeping Jackie at his chest with his arm around him.

He pressed his forehead to Tony's and shut his eyes. "It's unbearable being away from you."

"I feel it too." Tony whispered, his lips brushing against Steve’s. "I know now how you feel when I lock myself away from you."

Steve opened his eyes. Did Tony just say what he thought he did? "What are you talking about baby?"

Tony shook his head. "I'm not avoiding the conversation anymore. I've been hurting you by working for weeks straight."

Steve’s whole body stiffened. How did he find out when Steve never said a thing?

"It’s present in your everything. The way you talk to me when you finally see me. The way you hardly want anything more than to hold my hand or kiss my forehead." Tony paused, Jack pulling at his sleeve.

"Yes mini me."

"I want bed now. You say Jackie can't go with." Jack pouted, picking up as many of his teddy bears as his little arms could carry.

Tony kissed his cheek and Steve kissed his forehead. "I'll make it up to you kiddo. I promise." Tony smiled, lifting Jack from Steve's arms along with a few teddy bears.

"You play with Jackie." Jack demanded as he rest his head against Tony's chest while Tony carried him to his room.

"I will play with Jackie you adorable puppy." Tony cooed, rubbing his nose in Jack's hair.

"Bear Papa. I bear." Jack corrected with a tiny roar.

"Oh I am sorry Mr. Bear. Forgive me." He set Jack down in his bed with the teddies he managed to grab and tucked him in.

Jack yawned. "Forgibe you if I has candies."

"You can have candies." Tony kissed his forehead, lingering for a while. "Good night Jackie."

"Night Papa." Jack yawned again, his arms coming up to wrap around Tony's neck as he backed away.

He hugged him back, pressing kisses to his shoulder and cheek and temple.

Jack kissed him on his cheek before loosening his arms.

Tony tucked him back in and switched the lights off for Jackie's night light as he left the room.

Steve was still sitting in bed when he returned to their room. He sat down in front of him.

"How long was I asleep for?" Steve asked as he linked his fingers with Tony's.

"27 hours." Tony answered, chin hooked over Steve's shoulder.

"That explains a lot. Last thing I remember was seeing bright lights and falling. Thank you by the way for the dim lights. I’m sure someone yelled my name though." Steve retold. Truth is, while Tony went to put Jackie to bed, Steve remembered a lot of things that happened on his mission. He’s very sure it was Tony who yelled his name.

"I did." Tony clarified. "I saw you fall when I came to say hi. I was waiting for you to arrive." 

Uh oh. That means Tony must’ve seen when Clint... It's not like Steve was going to hide that but he didn’t want Tony to have witnessed it.

"I brought you up here and cleaned you and dressed you." He sighed and turned to press his lips to Steve's neck. "I knew you weren't sleeping well. I saw your eyes when you came to the workshop. I just didn't realize that I was causing you to practically break."

Steve wrapped his arms tightly around Tony. "You're not."

"Please don't pretend that everything is okay. I know I'm hurting you and causing you emotional distress that's keeping you up at night." Tony plead, pressing himself impossibly closer to Steve's chest. "You miss me when I leave you to work and it's so bad that when you see me you just want to make sure that it's real. That I’m real." His voice cracked and he pressed a kiss to Steve's neck. "I'm real. I'm real and I'm the worst husband ever who doesn’t deserve you."

"Sshhh. Sshhh." Steve whispered at his ear.

"No Steve. I get how it feels now. You being on that mission while I wasn't busy, I got to feel every little thing that you do on a constant basis. I missed you so much from the minute you left and it just kept getting worse." Tony's chest heaved against Steve's and it became clear that he was crying.

Steve curled around him further.

"I wanted you to come back to me and that made me feel like the world's biggest hypocrite because that's exactly what I do to you. And I don’t even have reason to." Tony stopped, sobbing quietly at Steve’s shoulder.

Steve rubbed his back in an effort to calm him a little. He wasn't in a better case either. His heart yearning to make Tony feel better.

"I'm sorry." Tony mumbled, pulling back slightly to look into Steve's eyes.

Steve smiled and cupped his cheeks, his eyes wet too.

"I'm sorry. I will be better. I will change. I won't spend forever in the workshop. I'm sorry Steve." Tony rushed out as he cried further at Steve's kind and affectionate touch.

"I don’t ever need you apologizing to me. I never blamed you. I just hoped that you'd give me the same attention you give your creations." Steve admitted, his tears spilling.

Tony saw his tears and he couldn't help not comforting him. He pressed a single soft kiss to his lips. "I will give you all my attention."

"That's all I ever wanted." Steve smiled, pulling Tony close to his chest.

Tony found it easy to smile in return now that the pile of bricks sitting on his chest has been lifted by his wonderful husband.

They sat like that wrapped in each other's arms for a while, Steve listening to the even beats of Tony’s heart and Tony peppering soft kisses to Steve's neck every few minutes. It wasn’t until Tony asked about the mission that Steve felt like he was being woken up from a good dream he was having.

"Ummm."

Tony nudged his nose against his neck to encourage him.

"It was long and Clint saved my life from an explosion." Steve summed up briefly.

"I read that in your report handsome. I want to know the stuff that didn't make it on paper." Tony pressed, a hint of a smirk in his voice.

"Well we talked and I sketched a bit and it rained a lot."

"What did you talk about?" Tony smirked again but this one was directly at the corner of Steve’s mouth.

That's how he always gets what he wants. Steve had a weakness and Tony was an expert at exploiting it.

Steve met Tony's brilliant honey eyes and saw the smirk in them. He knew he had no way out. "About you. And me. About us." Steve winced, bracing himself. "He kissed me."

Tony instantly sobered up. "I know."

Suspicion confirmed. "You saw him didn’t you?"

"I did. He also came to talk to me while you were sleeping." Tony shared willingly.

Steve frowned. "What did he say?"

"He told me what you talked about, furthering what I already knew." He shrugged. "He also told me that he likes you so much and may even love you."

Steve stared blankly at Tony. Clint.. Clint likes... What? "He loves me?"

"May love you." Tony corrected with a smile.

That was strange. Why wasn't Tony yelling at him? "You're not upset?"

Tony laughed, head thrown back and joy contagious. "Why would I be upset? Clint came and told me without being asked. You told me as well. I knew you would tell me even if I didn't bring it up."

Steve was confused. Clint told Tony. Did that mean that he was moving on? Steve distinctly remembered coming to the conclusion that Clint likes him right before he went out of the jet and fell. But he also said that he may love him. Ow. This hurt his head.

"Don’t you worry your pretty mind. I know what I have. I know what you are." Tony whispered confidently, running his fingers through Steve's sleep messed hair. 

"I'll need to talk him right?" Steve never wanted to hurt Clint. And it makes much more sense now why he was asking about Steve and Tony’s relationship. Steve owed him a conversation where they figure this out.

"I think so yes. You being the guy who never lets a wrong slide." He chuckled. "But not tonight."

Steve’s eyebrows furrowed. "What's tonight?"

Tony pulled back from Steve's embrace and gestured at himself with both hands. "We're going out to celebrate me wanting and working on being a better husband and father." Tony explained cheerfully before pressing a kiss to his husband's lips and getting up to the closet.

He pulled out a fancy new tux that Steve's never seen before and laid it on the bed.

"That's what Jackie meant." Steve understood. "Oh baby. He'll be so sad."

Tony got closer and brushed his thumbs under Steve's eyes and over his cheekbones until he smiled. "I promised to make it up to him. You can help. But now you're going to put on the handsome new tux I had tailored for you and we're going out to dinner."

Steve opened his mouth to argue but Tony silenced him with a kiss. He could kiss Tony forever and forevermore.

Tony kissed him again, deeper and lingering before turning around and walking to the dresser to powder up any evidence of the tears that were there.

Steve stared at his reflection and smiled to himself. He was so lucky to call this man his.

He stood up and walked towards Tony, wrapping his arms around him briefly before snatching up his new tux and heading off to the bathroom to get ready for their date.

He heard Tony tell JARVIS to connect Jackie's room's security footage to his phone as he put on his tux. It really was a work of art chosen by the most talented mechanical artist he's ever known.

When he was ready, he called Tony into the bathroom and the smile on Tony’s face as he saw him was so beautiful.

"How do I look?" Steve asked, brushing a hand through his combed hair.

Tony shook his head because there wasn't a word worthy enough to describe Steve. His Steve. He leaned forward and captured his lips gently.

He was addicted. No he was drug. He couldn’t tell anymore and it didn't matter. There were many promises to be kept and many new ones to be made and here in his arms, there was no other place he'd rather be.


End file.
